If that was your dad, he is hot
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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