I just googled if crying burns calories
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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