i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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