Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bring me that man meat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
