alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
