If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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