I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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