apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
