how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
