She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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