i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
