i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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