just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
