glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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