I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A+ Viking dick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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