he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
