Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
