i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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