They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
