Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.