y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
