My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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