Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize