Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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