Please, let me fuck your mom
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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