ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
