walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
