I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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