I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
