i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
