Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
