I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
