sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
