I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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