May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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