ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
