When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
