so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
