having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
