We're like a lot better than the average bears
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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