It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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