you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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