I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and she was petting her beer can
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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