I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
