is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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