i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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