idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
