I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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