I will die if light touches me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
