My first STD was from a foam party
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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