you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
