Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
