I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
