She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
