wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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