We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
