I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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