He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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