I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
