i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
