First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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