my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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