He kissed a someone with a penis
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
