And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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