Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
