I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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