Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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