I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
