Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
