Welp...herpes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
