is your mom at the bar?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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