oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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