Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The ass gains better be worth it
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