Me too!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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