So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
