As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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