He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
