Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
