Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
