Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
