Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
