38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
