I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
