Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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